Fountainhead - honesty

Found this conversation in Fountainhead on honesty -
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"The worst thing about dishonest people is what they think of as honesty," he said. "I know a woman who's never held to one conviction for three days running, but when I told her she had no integrity, she got very tight-lipped and said her idea of integrity wasn't mine; it seems she'd never stolen any money." -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this conversation quite interesting. Long back when I had just started my career , there was a couple in my team who were much older to me( maybe early thirties ). The husband was a senior lead and the wife was a team member under him. The husband was a bit of a arrogant idiot I would say ( forgive my use of words ). He had the habit of teasing everyone around him for no reason and little too sarcastically. His choices of words were very demeaning and insensitive. And unfortunately for his wife, he would tease his wife too in the same breadth. I mean, I failed to understand how can you insult your wife in front of dozens of complete strangers. And what is it that made his wife live with him after all those insults? And how about the people listening to his stupid jokes - were they not party to this insult ?

I would find this practice very disturbing - and I once shared the same with one of my colleagues . And his answer made me think. He said - No , No ! Dont get involved in their relationship. Its an equation they share - so dont bother. This guy otherwise is a very nice human being . He donates a lot to orphanages and old age homes.

For a minute I was stupefied. What really defines "being nice", "being true" or "being honest". Are you being true if you are being rude and insulting to your wife and go about donating alms to beggars. Are you being honest if you are not true to your inner self but have never ever stolen any money. In fact are you dishonest if you have stolen money for helping someone in need ? Or have you been untruthful, if you lie to protect an innocent?

Truth is, what your intellect says, is true and honest for a particular situation or circumstance. Ever been in a situation where you very strongly believed in a particular school of thought and your near and dear ones in another. What is "true” or “honest” in such a situation? "Being true", or "being honest" can be very subjective. It can vary from a person to person and for the same person it can vary from situation to situation. Which is why, a terrorist or a prostitute may see nothing wrong in what they are doing since they feel they are being true to their ideologies – and they are right in thinking so! And in the incident above, this sarcastic colleague of mine, for the limited perspective he had, obviously thought that he was doing nothing wrong.

Once you realize the narrowness of your truth, your intellect gives you a new platform to stand, new horizons to broaden your views on and consequently new levels of honesty to achieve. No Truth is permanent. Being honest, is therefore, a state in which we be true to the beliefs and thoughts that expresses our intellect and our inner self, rather than indulge in outward appearances of "not lying" or "not cheating", “supporting the poor” or “supporting the needy”, or "pleasing the society or the world".

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In love with a camera and a car ! :)

God has made men and women very differently and it is not for nothing that it is said that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. All their unique idiosyncrasies apart, I can almost imagine Mars as a place full of gadgets and gizmos of all kinds and one superior, all-important gadget trying to maneuver the rest of them – the one with special abilities called ‘Man’. I mean how else can you explain a 'man's' love for gadgets !

My hubby got an analog SLR camera about a month before our marriage. And as can be expected, he loved the camera - and went berserk experimenting with it. He would take utmost care of the camera and was very possessive about it. It was almost as if he had brought a baby home.:)

A week after the wedding, we were in Darjeeling and the hubby and me were taking a leisurely stroll on the Mall road with me hanging on one of his shoulders and the camera taking his other one. The weather was beautiful, the climate not too cold, there was mist all around. The tourists all around were enjoying the chill as they snuggled in their shawls and jackets. The road side vendors seemed to be making brisk business. All in all, it was beautiful, and as is very common in Darjeeling, it started drizzling. And both of us( naah the three of us – who three ? – hubby , me and the camera of course! ) were getting wet. Ever the thoughtful guy, hubby quickly fetched the umbrella, opened it. Feeling all nice, I cuddled to get inside the umbrella. Ten seconds after the drizzling started and the umbrella was opened, it was still drizzling on me ! Curiously I looked up at hubby – when –I saw him holding the umbrella very protectively on his darling camera !

Just as I was recovering from my shock - he looks at me nonchalantly and says -
The camera needs to be covered !

With a helplessly innocent and righteous look on his face, he adds noticing the disbelief on my face- You can take care of yourself - the camera cant !

:))

Ya.. Right !

Even as early as 2-3 years old, boys can be distinguished as boys and girls as girls. Little boys show a clear liking towards cars, aero planes, mechanical gadgets, mobile phones, CDs and CD players as against dolls and cuddly stuff.

I tell you there is something about men and their love for machines! – Honestly! Even the pictures that my hubby took or the ones that instinctively fascinated him would be some form of buildings or machines( cars ) in all angles possible.

As the boys grow up, their fascination for cars moves from toy cars to real ones. Once I was sitting with my friends( guys ) on the porch of my office drinking hot tea. As I was spending time with them, lost in narrating office politics - I could barely hear a ‘hmm’ from them. Curious about what could be more interesting than my stories, I looked at them. I couldnt believe it - My colleagues were busily engaged in droooooling over all the cars that were passing by. They were lustily and longingly watching each and every car, with their gaze unflinchingly moving along the boot to bumper of every single car.

: ) : )

One would imagine that it was not cars that were passing by, but beautiful, size zero models strutting themselves on the ramp !

Its absolutely hilarious and intriguing to watch men and the special relationship they have with machines. I am sure each one of you have tales to tell. Do share !

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Black, White or Brown - Are we really different ?

We come in all colours – some of us are white, some of us are black, some brown. We come in all sizes – some of us are short, some of us tall. We have black, brown, and golden hair colours. We speak different languages – we have some six to seven thousand languages spoken in the world today. Our upbringing might be different, our social structures vary, we might have diverse cultures – but at the heart of it all – we go through the same emotions, learnings, self realizations and at the end of it all we all end up at the same place. Our approach to life might be different, but goals of all human beings, no matter from which part of the world or culture they come from, are the same.

These days I have made a German Friend in my course at IIMB. Lets call her B.

I was telling B that in the Indian society, youngsters take a long time to grow up and get independent. The social structure is such that the parents are very protective about their children well past their adulthood. In fact in India, parents are there for you, as a fall through and an unshakable support, at every step of your life - whether its marriage, children or career. Marriages in India, as most of my Indian friends would agree, are arranged by parents. This trend, though, is changing real fast. These days parents are “more open” to children choosing their own life partners. But the point is parental role takes a huge part in all the stages of our life and would be one of the reasons why a youth in India might mature much later than his counterpart in some parts of the world.

B, told me something very interesting about Germans and about the ways the children are brought up there. In German families, the children are taught to be independent and responsible very early in their life. For eg : If a German teenager ever wanted to smoke – his/her father would not stop her. He would tell him/her the consequences of smoking - but the decision to smoke or not would be entirely left to the individual. That I am sure, would make the children there, completely prepared to take on life when they actually don’t have the parental support later in their life. In India, being "responsible" for your decisions is a realization that comes much later in one's life - I would say sometime in your twenties. Also in the German culture, decisions like marriage, and choosing a life partner, is completely left to the individual. One is supposed to find their partners and be completely responsible about the choice they make about their marriage. Sometimes though, this would leave a few of them searching till very late in their lives.

When B came down to India for work or an assignment, she would find the Indian ways of living a little difficult to digest. She was once teaching in a college at Delhi where one of her favorite students, who was extremely good at her work, wanted to pursue her studies further. But her(the student’s) family insisted on her “settling down” in her life ( read that as – getting married ). B, found it very difficult to understand, how can a fully grown adult , who is mature enough to take her own decisions, not be given the choice she wanted to make in her life – that of pursuing her career.

I remember someone telling me about an interesting way in which the Japanese bring up their children. In a lot of houses in Japan, each child is given a small tree when the child is very small ( may be 3-4 years old ). And this child is given the complete responsibility of bring up this tree. From watering it to taking care of its needs, to cleaning it and protecting it - is the child's responsibility. The child and the tree grow up with each other - with the child who is now an adult, having learnt some very good lessons on responsibility.

I am sure, if we study all the various cultures across the world, we all will find lot of interesting ways in which societies function. But if you look more closely, you will realize that the goal of all the social structures and cultures is just the same - to provide an environment for each and every individual’s mental, social and finally spiritual growth.

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Look Who's here

I was reading a short story 'The leopard' by Ruskin Bond , where Ruskin Bond describes his experiences as he rambles along the Himalayan mountains. In this story he mentions how he spots a leopard as he is trudging along the mountain paths. Though initially he is scared, he keeps his cool and tries not to alarm the cat. Soon he and the leopard become comfortable with each other - so much so - that the leopard follows and trails the author on his journeys in the wilderness - and lets the author enjoy himself in the midst of nature. It’s a beautiful and touching story of bonding between a leopard and a man.

Nature and animals are as full of life as any one of us. They feel, care, love, respond, fear just the way human beings do. Most of the times, we, supposedly the most intelligent of the living species, tend to be insensitive to or even scared of the life around us. Those of us who are able to break free of their thoughts, are able to experience the most beautiful companionships with life and nature.

As I was reading the story, I remembered an incident that had happened to me, one evening, when I was around 9 years old.

It was a lively, pleasant, beautiful spring evening. For the want of doing something new, all of friends decided to go to the nearby park. We loved this park - it had a huge lush green lawn. Around the lawn, was sand and mud, covered with the flowers, fruits and twigs that had fallen from the flowering trees all around. It was an ideal place for us children to run and fool around. This particular day we were playing 'blind man buff' - and I was the 'blind man'. With a cloth around my eyes that completely barred me from seeing anything, I was supposed to run and touch my friends - who were now teasing me around.

We all were in a very playful mood and I went around chasing my friends - sometimes I would hear them to my right, sometimes to my left - sometimes in front and sometimes at my back. I ran in all directions. At one point I ran to my left. I guess I ran a little too further - because the next thing I knew was that I was tumbling down the sand and was feeling the flowers and twigs of the trees all over me.

Like a typical child, I quickly pulled myself up – pulled my blind fold out - and patted myself clean of all the mud and flowers that had got stuck on me. A lot of the twigs had gotten inside my dress – and I started pulling out the twigs. I could feel one of the tree twigs on my chest - so I put my hand inside the front collar of my frock and tried pulling it out – the twig stay put! Finally after a lot of trying - I gave up on this twig. After all, it was not so uncomfortable. I thought I would remove it once I changed my dress at home.

I went back and played for another hour with my friends. As we were returning, I could no longer bear the discomfort of the twig inside my dress. So I went to secluded corner of the park, put my hand inside the dress again, caught hold of the twig tightly and pulled it with all my might .

It came out.. ! Finally !

Feeling accomplished, I looked at my 'prized accomplishment' - to my astonishment - I was holding a full grown lizard with its tail ! Wow !

Cant say who was more shocked – Me or the lizard !

Because, once the initial round of recognition wore off, the next moment, both the lizard as well as me were shrieking and jumping around out of sheer fright! The lizard shaking itself thoroughly through the grip my hand had on its tail – shouting – ‘let go of my tail!’.

Still in a shock, I quickly dropped the lizard from my hand - who was, I guess, more than glad to rush back to its familiar territories. I guess it had had enough adventure for an hour !

Can you believe it, I had spent around 1 hour on the lawn with a lizard resting peacefully on my chest ! :)

Or shall I say, that I sheltered a frightened lizard on myself for about an hour :)

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